there is something about thursdays. they are magical. or maybe it's fridays that are magical. the magic tends to happen late in my thursday night. either way, i dig it.
i took my ouija board to a cemetery last night. little success. we bought candles at cvs and lit them and everything.
it was fun, nonetheless.
everything is changing and everything is new and i enjoy it. i had a horoscope last week that said that june is not only a new month for me, it's practically the beginning of a new year. i believe it.
frank and i ouijaed on monday night in the apartment i just moved into. it used to be an orphanage/group home.
we got some responses. i have to try it with other people. i feel a little skeptical but it certainly felt real. one ghost kept writing "g-o-a-w-a-y-g-o-a-w-a-y-g-o-a-w-a-y". they didn't seem to like frank too much.
i have to go to the saratoga room in the library on one (or both) of my two upcoming days off. research research research.
last night i had a dream about dogs in sailor suits, tweety bird t-shirt as a gift, going to a club/bar, walking down a road, and i think heroin?
things i've learned about myself in the last few days:
-- old people freak me out. the sight of an old people fills me simultaneously with terror, guilt, dread, sorrow, guilt and a little bit of smugness (i'm young, sucka).
-- the 'work-in-progress' status of anything that i could possibly create scares me from ever beginning to create anything. i feel so naked!
there are more but i can't remember.
i'm exhausted. tomorrow is my first day without any sort of occupational obligation in all the month of may, but i'll be finishing moving into the ludlow apartment and cleaning the mansion. then i'll return and pass out and go to work.
the light at the end of the tunnel is almost blinding. next week, i have monday and tuesday off and i'm going to do all i can to stay strong and not pick up any hours babysitting or covering a shift at the restaurant. i think i can i think i can i think i can.
forget about those words (below) about new york city.
i saw a rainbow today and it made me glad.
everything is really hectic but i'm maintaining some sense of sanity. well yesterday i was sort of unsane but today i got it together. brink of tears at stupid things a few times, but i'm still hangin' on.
five work days left at the paper. it took me until today to figure out who my dwight schrute is. brother jeff is flush with ideas for goodbye pranks to pull on 'dwight.' i might just let fate work its magic.
nothing too synchronous to report. however, i am watching 'last comic standing' right now and richard belzer of Law and Order is a judge. my favorite post-star co-worker's brother is married to richard belzer's stepdaughter. the wedding took place at a las vegas elvis-y chapel. i watched a video of it online. richard belzer looked awesome. he was wearing those sunglasses. doug's brother looked kind of like the ass he describes him as. his wife looked like the ex-model doug said his mom said she was.
i love to hate hating to love full moons. i've been noticing the mystic feeling they bring during the past few cycles. if you recall, last full moon i ouijaed alone and it asked me if i was mom. i guess i should ouija after this post.
so i've been freaking out trying to decide where to go next. today, i got a few signs or something, i don't know. i'm reading into everything too much.
this morning started out awful - car problems. but then a phone call at lunch from an organization that i had applied to for a job months ago, offering an interview for an unpaid internship. in new york city.
all last week i was convinced i was moving to seattle. i've never had nyc on my map. now things are looking up.
after an incredibly pleasant workout and a beautifully gusty walk down the railroad place path, beltin' out patsy cline and harry nilsson, i had a txt conversation with a favorite friend. this led to a phone call forbidding a move to nyc and encouraging following through with our secret plan.
oh. and before my workout, when i was changing in the locker room, nbc nightly news was on. and on nbc nightly news was a glowing example of fear-mongering corporate media: leeching off the tragedy in china, the newslady's voice warned that seattle is in great danger of a great quake.
i took that as a sign.
also the chapter i read tonight in the shadows book was really eye-opening and relatable.
also my mother is an angel for letting me borrow her fly-ass whip to get to work on time today.
eight days left. not that i'm counting.
if anything good happens, i'll report back from the ouija.
i've been reading up on shadows and shadow work and getting in touch with my shadow in waking life and in dreams.
but what i'm wondering is what do i do if i know the darker side of my Self and i accept it? what if i'm perfectly okay with being a flake (the most recent character flaw that's been brought up to me by a friend)? what if i don't mind the fact that i'm totally selfish with my time, even at the expense of spending time with family and friends? what then?
also i had a really vivid dream last night about house sitting for my post-star boss and accidentally letting her pets die. this was all a representation of my guilt for leaving the job so soon, of course. but i have fully accepted that guilt, since before giving my notice. so what of the dream?
i guess i'm missing something and i'm hoping some synchronicity will intervene and show me what i'm failing to see.
on a much happier note, i made a friend with a coworker i'd never met til today. he's great. i'm looking forward to summer. it starts in two weeks.
my name is ally, and i'm addicted to karaoke nights. i love 'em. i can't help it. i don't even wanna help it. this is a week that will see me singin' my pants off three different nights at three different venues.
i'll get a record contract soon enough.
here's something that i came clean to one of my favorite co-workers about today. i think i should share with my faithful followers as well. i have this weird thing that happens sometimes when i see someone wearing an outfit that gets my brain moving. it could be an ugly outfit, a cool outfit, a bland outfit, an outfit i've seen the person wear dozens of times, a brand new outfit, there's really no specific type of outfit that sparks these thoughts i'm about to blog of. i'll imagine the person shopping and choosing the items they're wearing. this all started when i was a kid and went school clothes shopping with mom. i only got things that we agreed on. i guess sometimes in middle school and junior high i was jealous of kids with really hip clothes because i didn't think mom was ever hip enough to agree with me to buy them. i doubt that was the case.
i also sometimes imagine the person getting ready to leave their home in the morning and checking their fine bod out in the mirror. i wonder what they think of their outfit. do they feel sexy? do they feel fat? do they even look in a full-length mirror before stepping into the Real World?
there's nothing too synchronous about any of this.
i'm grasping at straws. i'm in love with carl jung. somebody stop me.
a friend and i, we'll call him crystalize, go to the same gym and share a fascination-crush on a dude that works there.
this dude is in his late 40s, early 50s, he's kind of little, he has a mini salt and pepper mullet, an earring, and when he works out, he wears sweet sweatbands. he sort of reminds me of what boy erin will look like in 20 years, or what i hope he'll look like, at least. one day, crystalize and i were talking about how totally awesome this guy is and how we love to look at him and he definitely heard us and it was sort of weird.
ever since then, crystalize and i get really excited in gym-dude's presence and he always catches us fawning.
yesterday, i was climbing the stairs to go running, and someone tapped my arm. it kind of freaked me out, but then i turned to my left to see gym-dude! he said, 'you work out a lot, huh?' i was doing backflips in my mind. i couldn't wait to call crystalize and tell him all about it! gym-dude touched me!!
yada yada yada he invited me to run a half-marathon with some other YMCAers, he told me some stuff about speed intervals, said i was very energetic, suggested i use the steam room to let toxins escape my body through my pores and then came the best synchronicity of all: he told me about his juicer.
you see, crystalize is way into juices and juicers and juice medleys. he loves 'em all and always tells me about them and i tease him a little. in a friendly manner, of course. but, lo and behold, he and gym-dude (i know his real name now, but i'm not saying) are soul mates. i also ran three laps with gym-dude.
also, crystalize and i hung out today and we talked about going to Dubai. later, when i was at the gym, i saw a woman with a Dubai t-shirt.
none of this is false.
i saw something on my lunch-break-stroll that has to mean something. it was too magical to be insignificant.
i was walkin' the mean streets of glens falls, when all of a sudden, my eyes fall upon an abandoned shoe. an abandoned red shoe. an abandoned sparkly red shoe. an abandoned sparkly red slip-on sneaker shoe.
it was from a woman with a bigger foot than mine.
it was purchased at k-mart or wal-mart, some place like that.
alone it sat on the sidewalk of warren street.
there's gotta be a story there, right? a dorothy sneaker, abandoned on a sunny day sidewalk? what happened to its match? what happened to its partner?
finding a lone wizard of oz-esque shoe on a sidewalk at 1 pm on a thursday in downtown glens falls seems like it should be a moving, momentous occasion. but i just felt empty as i walked past it, harry nilsson singing gently in my ear about driving along and seeing all the people who seem to have nothing to say to each other.
maybe it was his spirit in the form of a cheap, tacky, slip-on sneaker.
please enlighten me with any interpretations of this strange sight.
i keep forgetting the mission of this blog. its purpose (at first, at least) is to enhance my writing. i used to do it all the time. i guess i was bad, but whatever, at least i did it. now i just write about boring things.
the other purpose is to focus on the synchronicities that crash into my soul daily. they've been waning. i think my third eye has been closed because i've been out gallivanting like some freak. i'll get it back. i just have to try to be more receptive. or more people should read this and then do things that are seemingly synchronous. i don't care if it's fake, just as long as i'm unaware.
also i should be ouijaing more. i guess i'm going to do some laundry. last time that happened the ghosties asked me if i was mom (scroll down).
i guess i will. whatever.
the last few times, though, my calls haven't been answered. so stupid.
