5 posts tagged “circus”

there is something about thursdays. they are magical. or maybe it's fridays that are magical. the magic tends to happen late in my thursday night. either way, i dig it.

i took my ouija board to a cemetery last night. little success. we bought candles at cvs and lit them and everything.

it was fun, nonetheless.

everything is changing and everything is new and i enjoy it. i had a horoscope last week that said that june is not only a new month for me, it's practically the beginning of a new year. i believe it.

things i've learned about myself in the last few days:

-- old people freak me out. the sight of an old people fills me simultaneously with terror, guilt, dread, sorrow, guilt and a little bit of smugness (i'm young, sucka).

-- the 'work-in-progress' status of anything that i could possibly create scares me from ever beginning to create anything. i feel so naked!

there are more but i can't remember.

i'm exhausted. tomorrow is my first day without any sort of occupational obligation in all the month of may, but i'll be finishing moving into the ludlow apartment and cleaning the mansion. then i'll return and pass out and go to work.

the light at the end of the tunnel is almost blinding. next week, i have monday and tuesday off and i'm going to do all i can to stay strong and not pick up any hours babysitting or covering a shift at the restaurant. i think i can i think i can i think i can.

i've been reading up on shadows and shadow work and getting in touch with my shadow in waking life and in dreams.

but what i'm wondering is what do i do if i know the darker side of my Self and i accept it? what if i'm perfectly okay with being a flake (the most recent character flaw that's been brought up to me by a friend)? what if i don't mind the fact that i'm totally selfish with my time, even at the expense of spending time with family and friends? what then?

also i had a really vivid dream last night about house sitting for my post-star boss and accidentally letting her pets die. this was all a representation of my guilt for leaving the job so soon, of course. but i have fully accepted that guilt, since before giving my notice. so what of the dream?

i guess i'm missing something and i'm hoping some synchronicity will intervene and show me what i'm failing to see.

on a much happier note, i made a friend with a coworker i'd never met til today. he's great. i'm looking forward to summer. it starts in two weeks.

i was thinking the other day how i'm just not that into vera bradley crap. i'm not sure i've ever seen something by vera bradley that has moved me to say and/or think 'oh, that's cute.'

i was thinking this and i was thinking of blogging about it. things came up, life happened and i forgot to blog about bradley, vera.

yesterday i was hostessing at the circus cafe (so happy to be back, wish i never had to return to the desk job) and a really beautiful family came to the stand. the mom had these really great frames and i complimented her on them and she said, 'oh, thanks! they're obnoxiously vera bradley, but other than that they're pretty great.'

i told her how i had been thinking of blogging about my dislike for vera bradley and she said she agrees with me. she said she's been thinking of taking a sharpie to the white engraved signature on the arms of her glasses. i told her she should.

that was kind of synchronous.

i had zima synchronicity last night. what a yuppie.

during my run, i was thinking about how i wanted to write a blog post about drinking zima. this thought came to me because recently i was complaining to brother jeff about a coworker who is constantly blathering on loudly about completely trivial and boring everyday occurrences in her life. he suggested i throw it right back at her and say something like, 'i never even got to try zima.'

that made me think of the times that i had drank zima. i was too young to be drinking and it was in the woods and i was with people that i'm certainly no longer friends with. i probably got drunk off one of them. i knew they were stupid, even then, but drinking is really cool when you aren't even old enough to drive, so it didn't matter. it tasted like sprite, if my memory serves me.

so now for the synchronous part:

i was at the circus cafe having an after-dinner cocktail with sir g. matthew igler and llanse, a former bus boy/bar back came in after working a shift at the restaurant he works at now. llanse isn't 21, so michael put some soda in a snifter for him and made some funny comment about zima. sorry i can't remember it.

so, there you have it. zima was in the air last night. i told matt we should try to find some on ebay, there's gotta be a case or two still floating around somewhere, right?