8 posts tagged “dreams”
frank and i ouijaed on monday night in the apartment i just moved into. it used to be an orphanage/group home.
we got some responses. i have to try it with other people. i feel a little skeptical but it certainly felt real. one ghost kept writing "g-o-a-w-a-y-g-o-a-w-a-y-g-o-a-w-a-y". they didn't seem to like frank too much.
i have to go to the saratoga room in the library on one (or both) of my two upcoming days off. research research research.
last night i had a dream about dogs in sailor suits, tweety bird t-shirt as a gift, going to a club/bar, walking down a road, and i think heroin?
i've been reading up on shadows and shadow work and getting in touch with my shadow in waking life and in dreams.
but what i'm wondering is what do i do if i know the darker side of my Self and i accept it? what if i'm perfectly okay with being a flake (the most recent character flaw that's been brought up to me by a friend)? what if i don't mind the fact that i'm totally selfish with my time, even at the expense of spending time with family and friends? what then?
also i had a really vivid dream last night about house sitting for my post-star boss and accidentally letting her pets die. this was all a representation of my guilt for leaving the job so soon, of course. but i have fully accepted that guilt, since before giving my notice. so what of the dream?
i guess i'm missing something and i'm hoping some synchronicity will intervene and show me what i'm failing to see.
on a much happier note, i made a friend with a coworker i'd never met til today. he's great. i'm looking forward to summer. it starts in two weeks.
reading old posts just now reminds me of an earlier state of mind. a happier place.
a place i may have returned to this evening. thank you, karaoke. thank you, jess. thank you, long-haired dude.
i'm up way too late and work will be here way too early, but i had an enjoyable evening and i'm not sorry for any of it.
except maybe that peanut butter i just ate. sigh. i guess we all make mistakes.
nothing incredibly synchronous to report. i awoke from a dream this morning and remembered that it involved a dude (i might have loved him, i might not have. i'm always falling in love in dreams, it's awful) who worked for The Baltimore Sun. i told my boss this morning that if she receives a resume from someone from the baltimore area to hire him based on the fact that i dreamt of him (and i was making hyperlinks in my dream) and she said okay. then i remembered that i had been listening to <3 stephen malkmus' <3 latest album and there's a song about baltimore and that's probably why.
if stephen malkmus applies for my job i'll just kidnap him.
everything is stupid.
no one answered my call on the ouija tonight. although i did have a totally sweet dream right before my alarm went off about my 'powers,' though i can't remember what exactly they were (it had to do with psychic-ness) and i made up a word in my dream but i forgot it.
it began with 'r.'
everything is still stupid. except for me.
it's gotta be so boring to be clarece, my fish. just totally dull. more boring than my life (which, thanks to wine, synchronicity, dreams and ouija, hasn't been too unbearable as of late).
i do all i can to keep her stress level low. including risk her health. i don't change that bytch's water often enough. it is so incredibly heartbreaking to have to pour her from her tank into a teeny tiny cup, and back again into her tank. almost as heartbreaking as the day i bought her.
there, on an endcap in the local petsmart, were three or four shelves stocked with $2.50 female bettas and $5.00 males. they swam in cloudy blue water. i use the term 'swam' loosely, as they all seemed to be in a catatonic state. i don't even know what catatonic means. maybe they were in fishatonic states or bettatonic states. whatever.
i almost cried. but i was determined to bring a friend home. i was kind of worried that she was halfway dead when i brought her up to the register. 'we have a two-week guarantee,' the cashier assured me.
fabulous.
i made sure to talk to her throughout the entire drive home (which i did single-handedly, so she wouldn't spill). we became fast friends.
but, here we are, probably about two or three months into a beautiful co-habitationship. clarece gets noticeably excited when i walk near her. her side fins flap like a mother.
and tonight, clarece got fresh waters! mmmm ... taste that new oxygen!!
i think i have one person that reads this thing. i think its nick. nick nack patty whack. i've never called him that. maybe its the wine talking. we all know what happens when the wine talks ...
anyway, i think i'm gonna play part-time momma this summer. adam and i had a lot of phone conversation-time tonight that makes me want to just take a big huge jump and move to chicago without any plans whatsoever of anything: no living situation, no job situation, NO NOTHIN.'
the only chicago synchronicity that happened today was getting a letter from the organization where i applied for a job as a teacher's assistant saying that other people were more qualified than i am. it was the nicest way i've ever been rejected by a job i've applied to. every other job that has rejected me has just not answered me at all. just totally disregarded that i spent time typing a cover letter and cleaning up my resume and dreaming about working. but this place cared enough to have their executive director sign a letter turning me down. i have to respect that.
but do i take that as a sign to not go to chicago? or as a sign that chicago will treat me tenderly?
i also just had really good talks with this dude jacob about God and Mind and synchronicity and i wish it hadn't ended. he's wise. but now i'm gonna put on some nilsson and talk to whomever the ouija brings me.
sometimes i fear i'm losing my mind. the dude at the register at price chopper said, ' have a nice night, ally.' there is no way he could know my name. yes, yes, he certainly could know that it is allyson. but how the heck does he know i go by ally? unreal.
and i finally talked to that woman (see post below). she kept calling today and i spoke to her and told her that she was freaking me out and i'm not her husband, so sorry! she said that her husband has my phone number and that she spoke to him by calling my number yesterday. i told her that's impossible. she said it was true. i told her to stop because it's not true.
she hasn't called back yet.
the whole thing is pretty surreal. i woke up today and had memories of an embarrassing dream and thought for a few minutes that they were waking-life memories. mortifying!!!
sometimes the blurring of reality and dream is fun, but often it is scary.
nothing too synchronous happened today. just saw lots of people out and about that i'd have preferred not to see. but that's because i don't even want to see myself. this is going to be a week of changes and renewal.
yesterday's panic spilled into dreams.
i woke up nearly in tears and my heart racing: a nightmare. i comforted myself, 'it was a dream, i can still sleep for at least two more hours,' and rolled over.
another intense dream, this one i awoke from also thinking it a nightmare but it wasn't.
i read in the magazine 'psychology today' about a theory that dreams are preparation for scary possible real life scenarios. the second dream, i was in love with someone (he was a handsomer and sober version of that junkie tim that nate was hanging out with for a while) and i trusted him and dodged bullets with him. i was happy.
the first dream was no fairy tale.
location: parking lot behind the downtowner.
action: some evil villain was torturing this little teeny tiny gnome-man. he was doing some thing with pouring this magical liquid-gel-gas on the little man's head and sticking fire near it, while holding him on the ground. then there were big knives. and more fire. and a big crowd watching. i could sense that the villain might throw the little gnome man into the crowd: danger. i saw kyle there and i tried to get him away from it but he wouldn't stop looking. i kept inching away from the hoard with someone else (i think it was a girl) and kept trying to tell kyle and everyone in the crowd to be careful; to come away with us. but then i don't know what happened.
things got really intense and i woke up and i hadn't saved anyone except myself.
pounding heart. sweating. about to cry. awake. in bed (futon). no gnomes were injured in the making of my dream.
rolled over. for some reason crystal-eyes matt pops into my head and maybe he was the other person that was inching away with me? he's sorta femme. it would make sense.
back to sleep and now for the fairy tale dream: i'm with my 'boyfriend' (it's so weird to date people in your dreams. i had a dream once where i was riding in the car with some dude that i've never seen in waking life and i thought [during the dream], 'fine, i guess i'll just marry him. i'll have his kids. i might as well.' i'm hoping i really do marry whoever that was.) and we're in an airplane, just flyin' around.
all of a sudden we're walking around outside and weird flashy lights are happening in the sky and i say 'real star wars' (meaning warring stars, nothing to do with the movies) and then we realize that it's some laser light show and all these hippies are everywhere and i feel like i'm tripping and we're holding hands and i'm feeling happy.
then we're with my family or something, it's kind of hazy.
then the plane again. and he says 'i should tell you that he's going to do some weird stuff right now' and he meant the pilot and the plane starts flipping upside down and i say 'i don't care, just hold me' and he does and then big huge bullets fly at us but don't hit.
awake.
